June 5, 2007: 8th Grade English Paper

This year I have learned many new things about myself. Some things I have learned about myself involved my personality, my writing, and my ability to overcome obstacles. Everything I have learned about myself has made me stronger and more confident.

What I have learned about my personality is that I am different from everyone I know. A lot of people around me have the same personality and act alike. I realized that I am unique and can say that I am different. Although, sometimes, I fell invisible or left our from a group, but I remember that all of the people who leave me out are all the same.

My ability to push past the speed bumps of my life has become stronger and made me realize who I am. This year I have had fights with friends, stress of school, family issues, and plenty more things that have held me back, but I pushed as hard as I could and made it through. Not only have I felt invisible because of my personality, but because I held back and let all of these road blocks keep me from having fun. At points I have felt like being invisible was better because then no one could hurt me, but it takes pain to get through and make it to the parts of life that are worth remembering. I learned that it is now impossible for me to let anything hold me back. As time goes on, my problems get worse, but it only makes me stronger.

Finally, my writing. My writing has become more emotional and has helped me make it through hard times. Now when I write, I write with meaning and appreciate the art. I write because paper doesn't judge. What I put on paper can be erased and ripped up so that no one can see. Also, I know that the paper itself won't spread rumors or tell me that I'm wrong for saying what I think or thinking the way I think. Writing has made my personality better and has helped my ability to push forward without looking back.

I have learned that I am a stronger person.

Embrace The Mullet

For some reason I thought it'd be a great idea to chop all of my hair off in March. It was something I always said I'd like to try some time in my life. Yeah, I liked it for about two weeks, but then I finally had that "oh my god" moment one morning. I no longer had long flowing locks of golden blonde... instead I had choppy waves of fire-engine red. 

Some how I'd gone from this:

  to this: to this: 

*FACEPALM*

Growing out a pixie cut is one of the most annoying journeys I've ever embarked upon. And yes it is a journey. Being the internet addict that I am I researched every possible way to make my hair grow faster. Now, I was blessed with bionic hair that grows at ungodly rates, but that still wasn't enough for me. I took supplements, bought special shampoos, stopped using heat, and waited *impatiently* to see results. Did any of them actually help? I have no idea, but i like to believe that they did. Whenever I took the biotin or vitamin D, I created this idea in my head that it was giving me some sort of hair super power. 

Most of the blogs and videos I've watched about growing out and styling the growing pixie told me that I should chop the mullet; believe me I've wanted to. But I find that useless and, quite frankly, contradictory. Embrace the mullet. Wait it out. Styling your hair properly will disguise that mullet and help you through the painfully slow process of growing hair. I'm finally past the pre-pubescent Justin Bieber phase and almost out of the Billy Ray Cyrus mullet era. So here are some of my go-to styles that have helped me surpass the dreadfully unpleasant task of growing out a pixie cut.

Some of my products include:

• Vidal Sassoon shampoo and conditioner
• Sebastian Professional Matte Putty
• Sebastian Professional flexible bodifying-liquigel texturizer
• Moroccan Argan Oil liquid
• Moroccan Argan Oil Spray
• Garnier Fructis Leave-In Conditioner
• Aussie Flexible Hold Hair Spray

The first style is first phase of growth, when you've entered the Justin Bieber phase:

With damp, towel dried hair, work a small mixture of leave-in conditioner and Moroccan oil evenly into your hair. Then work in a small mixture of matte putty and/or texturizer evenly into your hair. Make a dramatic side part and create a french twist on the larger part of your hair. Bobby pin the twists to the side of your head. Spray an even coat of hair spray over your hair. Make sure to lift the smaller section of your hair and spray the hair spray in layers to better hold that side down. Spritz some of he Moroccan Oil spray over your hair... then you're done!

This just pulls the hair out of your face and creates the illusion that your hair is still in a tamed pixie cut.

If you don't feel like styling your hair, you can accessorize. This phase is perfect for head bands and scarves:

Now these next few styles are good for the Billy Ray Cyrus Mullet Phase:

Very similar to the first french twist style from earlier, you create a less dramatic side part and make a french twist in both sections. This pulls the focus away from the bottom back part of your hair and creates the illusion that you have a short bob and you're just pulling the front back.

 














The next style is very simple. This style is for the phase at the end of your Billy Ray Cyrus Era.

 Section the top part of your hair and pull it up into a half-up-half-down do. Bobby pin the stray hairs and style how ever you want. Spritz the Moroccan Argan Oil evenly over hair to create a nice shine.

Be patient with your hair! Resist the urge to cut it again because eventually you'll be back to your long flowing locks, but it takes time.

Who Am I?

I've been called a walking medical journal my entire life. There are so many things, medically, wrong with me. I don't really care to dwell much on the specifics, but know that most of my life I've spent sitting in doctors office and emergency room waiting areas. I went through more than enough shitty situations to last me three lifetimes. I've been bullied to the point where I was ready to give up for good. It took me a really long time to bring myself to the point in which I was able to ask for help. 

Landing myself in group and individual therapy, I finally realized that I had the ability to be happy and healthy so long as I made a conscious effort to better my life. Once I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and PTSD, I was medicated and almost instantaneously I felt like a brand new person. There were these moments where I swear I could conquer all of my fears right then and there. Almost a year later, I've had barely any bipolar episodes and very few PTSD episodes. I'm not cured, but I am getting better. I'm finally happy.

Being a person who spent most of her life in doctors offices and being in a consistent and unrelenting state of depression, I developed a very particular style. I wore big t-shirts and sweats. Jeans were not items of clothing that I opted to wear. I should probably add that I am considered to be "plus sized," but I consider myself an inbetweeny. The clothes for "normal" people are too small for me and the "plus sized" clothes are too big. Leggings, sweats, and over sized shirts were my go-to articles of clothing. 

Fashion was the least of my worries though. It didn't matter what I wore because I would still get bullied. Nice clothing wasn't going to rid me of all of my health problems; it wouldn't make me thin or healthy. My increasing apathy toward anything fashionable became more and more intense everyday... up until recently. Being on mood stabilizers takes away my depression and anxiety, which makes it easier for me to be happy and sociable. I'm not happy with my wardrobe these days, especially since I've been working at Old Navy. So I've taken it upon myself to start investing in some nice clothing that will flatter me whilst still being comfortable (well at least somewhat comfortable.) It's not easy going from being someone who couldn't care less about what I wore to being someone who wants to wear trendy clothing that will make me happy.

Obviously having a good fashion sense wont rid me of my diseases... I know that and always have, but what a good fashion sense can do for me is make me more confident. People who say they don't dress nice for other people are lying. Yes, I want to look good for me, but would it be so terrible to dress nice to impress others? I mean I have been single for way too long and my wardrobe now will not draw anyone's eye right to me. Anyone who says that physical attractiveness and style shouldn't play a role in finding "the one" or anyone for that matter is delusional. Clearly I don't want someone to ask me on a date just because of the way I look, but would it hurt to make a statement and help that person see just how confident I am? I don't think so.

So this is me... reinventing myself. Becoming the stylish and confident woman I long to be. How hard can it be? I work in a clothing store in a mall with other clothing stores. The people I work with are trendy and they are pretty nice people whom I'm sure would be more than willing to help me out. I'm starting to really understand who I am and what I'm capable of... so this will be another step in becoming myself.